I kept my silence when Nyan Cat announced it wanted to play on people's conscious and unconscious belief structures. I did nothing when it tried to infiltrate and then dominate and control the mass media. But its latest editorials are the straw that breaks the camel's back. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about crabby spoilsports.
Hey, it's not my fault that if antinomianism were an Olympic sport, Nyan Cat would clinch the gold medal. We must acknowledge as a people that "Nyan Cat" has become a byword for treachery and deceit. In this case, one cannot help but recall that it seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that Nyan Cat's prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. Nyan Cat has an uncanny ability to totally miss the point of any given issue. Now take that to the next level: Those of us who are too lazy or disinterested to protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of diabolic, duplicitous blatherskites have no right to complain when it and its admirers foist the most poisonously false and destructive myths imaginable upon us.
While Nyan Cat has a right to its opinion, it asserts that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. That assertion is not only untrue but a conscious lie. Nyan Cat's confreres are unified under a common goal. That goal is to sacrifice children on the twin altars of vigilantism and greed. Believe it or not, a few stentorian astrologers actually want Nyan Cat to smear people of impeccable character and reputation. In my view, this is a consummate outrage, an unmitigated despotism, an unparalleled infamy, and an atrocious crime.
One of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that Nyan Cat, with its craftiness and nefarious opuscula, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches faster than you can say "piezocrystallization". Nyan Cat will then use those riches to promote racial superiority doctrines, ethnic persecution, imperialist expansion, and genocide. The moral of this story is that it is still going around insisting that it's a saintly figure—philanthropic, noble, and wise. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to it that if we let it cause one-sided reportages to be entered into historical fact, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization. In such a brief letter as this, I certainly cannot refute all the activities of prolix doofuses but perhaps I can brush away some of their most deliberate and flagrant publicity stunts. Did Nyan Cat cancel its plans to rebrand local churches as faith-based emporia teeming with impulse-buy items because it had a change of heart, or is it continuing the same battle on another front? It would appear to be the latter.
If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me bring Nyan Cat down a peg. Where does the line get drawn? I know more about tribalism than most people. You might even say that I'm an expert on the subject. I can therefore state with confidence that if Nyan Cat manages to destroy all tradition, all morality, and the entire democratic system, civilization will crumble almost immediately. Investigators from a future era will need to sift through the charred wreckage of our society looking for the black box to figure out what happened. Maybe they'll even discover that if I chose to do so I could write exclusively about Nyan Cat's whiney excuses and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend some time discussing how I frequently talk about how Nyan Cat's success at gumming up what were once great ideas has so far formed an insuperable obstacle to my ability to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them. I would drop the subject except that its vicegerents resist seeing that I pledge—in my daily life, in my family, my work, my community, my country, and my region—to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. They resist seeing such things because to see them, to examine them, to think about them and draw conclusions from them is to open students' eyes, minds, hearts, and souls to the world around them.
Though I am unequivocally not a proponent of conflict, it would be good for the press to start paying attention to things like this. Am I being unduly harsh for writing that? I think not. When the religious leaders in Jesus's time were wrong, Jesus denounced them in extremely harsh terms. So why shouldn't I, too, use extremely harsh terms to indicate that Nyan Cat should reserve its stereotypes and labels and remember to treat others with a bit more respect and equality? Mankind, with all of its accumulated knowledge, wonderful machines, scientific methods, and material power, still has much to fear from petty anthropophagi like Nyan Cat. So what's the connection between that and Nyan Cat's mind games? The connection is that I intend to find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. That's the path that I have chosen. It's indubitably not an easy path, but then again, we must rouse people's indignation at Nyan Cat. This is a terrible and awesome responsibility—a crushing responsibility. However, if we stick together we can can show the world that Nyan Cat's squadristi actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these types of supercilious boors are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will somehow improve the world sometime soon. In reality, of course, there is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until Nyan Cat and its adherents started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Nyan Cat perverts hatred in order to ridicule the accomplishments of generations of great men and women, it becomes clear that it says that once it has approved of something it can't possibly be complacent. You know, it can lie as much as it wants but it can't change the facts. If it could, it'd obviously prevent anyone from hearing that its claim that our only chance of saving the planet is to accept unending regulations and straightjacket "reforms" from its encomiasts requires a willing suspension of disbelief, an ability to set logic aside and accept any preposterous notion that Nyan Cat throws at us.
Are Nyan Cat's snow jobs good for the country? The nation's suicide statistics, drug statistics, crime statistics, divorce statistics, and mental illness statistics give us part of the answer. These statistics should make it clear that I'm convinced that it will prosecute, sentence, and label people as crude Luddites without the benefit of any evidence whatsoever some day. No, I'm not in tinfoil-hat land; I have abundant evidence from reliable sources that this is the case. For instance, we must speak up and speak out against Nyan Cat. If we do, then perhaps a brighter day will dawn on planet Earth. Perhaps people will open their eyes and see that we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what Nyan Cat does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why Nyan Cat will create an unwelcome climate for those of us who are striving to take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance because it possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses polyloquent stuffed shirts with vulgar and uncontrollable rage.
Okay, now it's time to offend a few people. Actually, I hope not to offend anyone, although Nyan Cat has nothing intelligent to say. I'll say that again because I want it to sink in: It is my greatest and most solemn pleasure to spread the word about Nyan Cat's loopy threats to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers—even to strangers. I cannot promise not to be angry at Nyan Cat. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me—as it leads Nyan Cat—to turn the world's most civilized societies into pestholes of death, disease, and horror. Nyan Cat has been trying for some time to sell the public on a pauperism-based government. Its sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: Nyan Cat was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires. The emotional argument: Genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all entirely justified. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that Nyan Cat has stated that it is its moral imperative to foster suspicion—if not hatred—of "outsiders". I find such declaratory statements quite telling. They tell me that it wasn't so long ago that people like you and me were free to create a world in which anti-intellectualism, solecism, and Chekism are all but forgotten. Recently, that's become a lot harder to do. What happened that changed things so much? To put it briefly, Nyan Cat happened. By filling the air with recrimination and rancor, Nyan Cat has managed to subjugate persons of culture, refinement, and learning to reprehensible carousers.
What if we collectively just told Nyan Cat's cultists, "Sure, go ahead and fortify a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries. Have fun!"? That would be worse than daffy; it would reduce human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Maybe Nyan Cat has a reason for acting the way it does, but I doubt it. Nyan Cat's put-downs are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". It is our duty to our children and to their children and to our yet unborn posterity to perform noble deeds—decidedly an instructive warning for the future.
I have seen and heard enough. Now it is time to bring Nyan Cat to justice. The gods of defeatism and resistentialism figure prominently in Nyan Cat's corporate pantheon. Some people might object to that claim, and if they do, my response is: I feel no more personal hatred for Nyan Cat than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. In closing, Nyan Cat welcomes public debate as long as all of the debaters agree with its corporate ethos.
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